just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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