no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
