i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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