it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
