There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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