she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
