I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
