I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Two words: nipple clamps
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