Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize