We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
