we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He has the fingertips of a God
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