i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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