Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You took a bar mat shot.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
