there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The beer is more important than you right now.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
