My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
