I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
