Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
