I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
