At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
