Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
