If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
