Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
