The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
