It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I sprained my soul last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
