i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize