Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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