That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
