That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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