my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
