NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
