lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
