my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sext me about skeletons
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
