I murdered the dance floor call the cops
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
