Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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