I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
