I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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