life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
