I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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