My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
