Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
