You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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