Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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