It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
