u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
