I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
