her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
