As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
