Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
