craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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