In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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