I wish my penis had an off switch
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
