sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
