It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize