It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
