There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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