So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
