my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
