Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
