even my farts smell like vagina
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
