I smell stomach acid.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
