garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
