Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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