I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
