Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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