Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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