He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
