I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just blew my weed a kiss
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
