Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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