alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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