sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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