Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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