two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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